


you’re the acid (to my alkaline)

by jaxial



Series: love is a song (i’ll sing it to you) [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, This is Bad, Toxic Relationship, jaehyun is a debatable character haha, kinda dark if u catch my drift, physical n mental abuse, sorry jae i’ll make it up to u, taeyong is soo sad i’m sorryyy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 05:16:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20091868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaxial/pseuds/jaxial
Summary: jung yoonoh breaks lee taeyong’s heart too many times to count.





	you’re the acid (to my alkaline)

**Author's Note:**

> mkay folks this is dark and painful ouch so don’t like don’t read pls
> 
> title from yungblud and halsey’s 11 minutes

it’s a rare moment where taeyong can sit calmly and look into yoonoh’s eyes. it’s a rare moment filled with peaceful silence instead of drunk kissing and bitter fights resulting in physical brawls that taeyong has given up trying to win. all he hopes is that this time yoonoh isn’t here to pick a fight. the kitchen is dim, and the blinds are pulled tightly shut— there’s no one watching and no one to break up a fistfight should one break out. taeyong’s shoulder still throbs with a bruise from a particularly harsh blow.

he hates it. he hates that jung yoonoh leaves without a single hair on his perfect head mussed, hates that he has to subject to jung yoonoh and his careless toying of his heart. god knows how long he’s loved jung yoonoh, but he’s tired, and he doesn’t know how much of this can go in before his flexible shape snaps from the pressure. taeyong might be many things, but he’s not unbreakable. his heart has already been broken far too many times. ten told him to not go to far; it’s time to see how far yoonoh will push him this time.

yoonoh doesn’t speak, no immediately. this pregnant silence between them is suffocating, but it’s only an illusion; yoonoh is nothing but an asshole that will continue doing what he wants without caring for the consequences. it’s so yoonoh, so like him that taeyong grips the cold metal of his kitchen stool a bit harder. whatever yoonoh wants to say, he can take it. yoonoh is a dick, but taeyong has to be the bigger man out of the both of them. it’s not worth it if taeyong walks away with a broken finger and no answers.

there’s a flash of images before taeyong’s eyes— a memory. before he and yoonoh ever became this complicated, before yoonoh ever became jaehyun, taeyong and yoonoh we’re just friends, albeit strained, but friends. taeyong stares at yoonoh’s retreating back, wondering whatever the hell he had done wrong. it was the same day they announced that yoonoh was going to debut with taeyong in two units, as jaehyun. taeyong never figured out what went awry in that last civil conversation they’d had before everything went to hell. taeyong missed it, missed the simplicity of simply being and not having to deal with whatever bull yoonoh tossed his way.

_i just wanted to apologise_, yoonoh starts, his voice low. _i’m sorry for hitting you so bad_. taeyong startles, shrinks farther into his seat and curls his body into himself. this is it, he thinks. yoonoh wants something, and taeyong’s not leaving until yoonoh gets it. yoonoh never apologises. taeyong would be a fool for staying as long as he did if he didn’t love yoonoh so desperately. he loves yoonoh to the point of madness, but he’s fragile, and with this last blow he doesn’t know how long he’ll last. 

he should’ve asked johnny to stay. 

yoonoh leaves taeyong motionless on the floor, bruises forming beneath his thin shirt and pain splitting his head apart. taeyong won’t cry, but it’s too much and he won’t bear it. he want to break, he wants to destroy himself because how is he worth anything if he’s been reduced to a toy that’s worth pummelling whenever yoonoh is in the mood for it? taeyong cries, harsh and low, and he curls into himself, lights flashing behind his eyelids and a buzzing in his ears. he’s never wanted to much to disappear and never come back into this godforsaken world.

what has he done? what mistake, what sin has he committed to deserve such a punishment? taeyong stumbles to his feet and scrambles for painkillers he’s hid underneath the kitchen sink. yoonoh doesn’t know, or else taeyong wouldn’t even be alive and breathing. taeyong wonders why he’s still here and not already six feet under.

it’s no secret that he’s just a pretty face. it’s no secret that the company pushes him hard just because he’s profitable and he fits the bill of a perfect idol. there are hidden bits of darkness in his past that the company doesn’t yet know, but he knows, and it eats away at him slowly and chews his insides apart.

taeyong feels giddy, and the world is spinning so fast he can’t seem to stand. there’s a light outside the window and it’s winking at taeyong teasingly, taunting him. taeyong has been subject to slander, horror and abuse, but this is beyond what he can hold. to be slowly destroyed by the one you love most is a delightful terror most don’t experience.

taeyong wants to die so bad. a hand grips his forearm and his waist, steadying him in a warm embrace and taeyong almost collapses onto the warm body behind him. easy, the voice coaxes, pulling taeyong up steadily. _what’d he do this time?_

taeyong wraps johnny in an awkward side hug, still too woozy to walk in a straight line. there’s no visible wounds on taeyong’s face or arms, but what is concealed underneath johnny knows all too well. the taller man supports taeyong back to his room where yuta and sicheng are waiting, bandages and antiseptic and ointment arrayed out long before taeyong was ever led into the kitchen. taeyong loves them so much, but he can’t help the guilt that swamps his stomach when he thinks of all the late nights they stayed up just to nurse him. he’s a burden, a curse to the best of human beings the world has to offer.

another arm circles him gently and helps him onto the soft mattress. it’s jungwoo, and following closely behind is taeil, bringing a hot mug of steaming tea. taeyong feels tears spring to his face at his family surrounding him in a tight pack, protecting him the way he’s supposed to protect them. gratitude and love and self-hatred well inside him and his tears fall, dripping crystal on his sheets. sicheng wipes his tears with a tissue, muttering soothing words and humming a chinese folk song he always uses to lull taeyong to sleep. he’s thankful, and he needs them so much he can’t breathe without them.

there is no excuse for what yoonoh has done, how yoonoh has broken taeyong into tiny tiny pieces and chucked them aside. taeyong loves him, but he’s nothing but a tool to yoonoh. that’s what he thinks, at least.

johnny hugs him tight and ruffles his hair in the loving way an older brother does, and it reminds taeyong of ten. ten would be here if he could, but he’s far away in china,out of reach. but ten would answer his call in an instant, no matter how busy he is, that much he knows. 

he wants to love and be loved, but he’s empty and he’s broken and he just shards at this point. his members can’t put him back just like how all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put humpty dumpty back together again.

he misses home. 

home used to be yoonoh, but now he’s not yoonoh, he’s jaehyun, and jaehyun is a sharp dagger that pierces taeyong’s heart until he’s empty and cold and gone.

taeyong is scarred and torn at the seams but his heart is partially whole and he doesn’t want yoonoh to break it out of spite again.

he won’t let yoonoh break his heart ever again.

when everyone is huddled into a large pile on the random pillows and bedrolls scattered around sicheng and yuta’s small bedroom, taeyong tiptoes out into the living room and settles quietly on the sofa. yoonoh is outside the room, smoking a cigarette, as predicted. smoke surrounds him like a veil, obscuring his inhuman beauty under a shadow of grey and silver. taeyong’s breath catches in his throat. 

_jaehyun_. it’s the first time taeyong addresses yoonoh by anything other than his given name, and it visibly startles yoonoh. with a final puff, yoonoh extinguishes the cigarette butt and throws it out of the window. he shuts the glass doors behind him with a bang and turns to face taeyong. he’s unruffled, as usual. he stares at taeyong. taeyong stares back.

_i’m sorry i’m a burden_, taeyong hisses, breathing deeply the scent of nicotine and tar that lingers on yoonoh’s figure. _i’m sorry that i have to say this but this is over. you’re not touching me, ever again._

yoonoh simply watches him through cold eyes and a colder aura. taeyong walks up to him in a bout of unexpected courage and places a kiss on yoonoh’s mouth. he tastes like ash and pain and anger and every negative thought taeyong has ever had over the course of the past few years; loving yoonoh is like throwing himself off a cliff knowing full well he’s going to die and yet jumping anyway. loving yoonoh is rage and storms and fire slowly melting taeyong into a million different pieces.

taeyong pulls away and gives yoonoh his brightest smile all while pulling his sleeve up to reveal the glorious purple bruise spreading across his shoulder. he watches the facade drop for a millisecond, revealing shock and hurt and some measure of pity. it disgusts taeyong to his core, to see such a man wasted away to an abhorrent husk. _what happened, jaehyun? all this time-_

_shut up_. yoonoh is final, and icy. that’s enough. _you’ve said your piece. is that all?_

_yes_. taeyong lets his hand drop. _i loved you enough to wreck myself, but now it’s done. i’m done_. yoonoh’s eyes glitter with emotion when he turns away, a poisonous smile quirking the edge of his mouth.

_the world never did deserve you, lee taeyong,_ he says. he walks away. his silhouette, so familiar and hated, vanishes when he turns a corner and into darkness. taeyong is alone.

it’s over, he thinks. never again.

and yet his heart drops to the floor and shatters into powdered flecks that cover him in crystal and wrap him in stone. taeyong freezes. a chill comes and his bones shake, hollow and scared.

jung yoonoh still manages to break his heart, even when he’s gone.

..<strike></strike>

[twitter](mobile.twitter.com/Fallingstarsluv)

**Author's Note:**

> i’m still sorry haha


End file.
